A Part Of Me Is MIssing.

I keep waiting for you to call me or text me randomly like you used to. I keep thinking that maybe you just got a new phone or something and that's why I haven't heard from you. I can't seem to accept that you're really gone. It doesn't make sense to me that you're no longer able to just show up and surprise me. It doesn't make sense to me, the fact that you'll never hold me or whisper those words that always made me calm down when I was a wreck. It just doesn't make sense that I'll never be able to tell you or hear you say I love you. I miss you every day. Everything, all that I am is because of you. You showed me things that I never would have seen. Your love made me stronger and your faith in me made me believe in myself. Without you, I don't know who I'd be today. I wish you were here with me now, I need you more than ever and the fact that you cant be here is what hurts the most. A part of me is missing and I'll never get that part back.

Just Scream!

I feel contained and restricted. All I want to do is scream my head off, swear like a sailor, and then do something completely random, crazy, or reckless, or all 3 if I can make it happen. Maybe it's because I want a distraction, maybe it's because I know you wont be calling me anytime soon, or maybe it's because I'm not as ready to face reality as I thought I was. But once again, I am going to give in to this urge. Watch out, because this weekend is going to be crazy.

Fefe Dobson Overload.

Okay, so I'm totally in love with Fefe Dobson right now. So here's a couple of video's to get you in a Fefe loving mood too ;)

It's Time To Allow Depression To Take Over.

I'm tired of pretending everything is under control. I'm tired of making everyone think I'm totally okay. It's more exhausting than just being sad and it's also more painful. So just for a little while, I am going to drown in sorrow. I am just going to allow myself to be sad and not worry if someone else will notice. It's been a while, so most people aren't asking me if I'm okay anymore, which means most people probably wont notice, which is exactly what I want. I just want to be allowed to be sad without worrying if others are worrying. So maybe this will help me, I don't know what else there is to do.

Balance.

Ones life requires great thought, planning, and carefulness, for one wrong choice can upset the entire balance. Yet the notion to be reckless pops into my head more than any other.

The Time Has Come.

The time has come for me to go, but I'm not ready to do so. I have so much I wanted to do, so many people I wanted to see, so much I wanted to say, but time would not slow down for me and now I've run out of it. I will not get to go for another walk in the park and watch the swans dance around the lake, nor will I have another chance to watch the city move around me. I will not get another chance to sit upon the rooftop which I love so much, nor will I get to watch the float planes take off and land in a way that seems so graceful. Alas, I can feel this rip upon my soul, tearing as I further my distance between the life I loved so much here and this new life I live now. I feel confused and saddened. I love this new life I am apart of now, but I will always cherish my time in this place that gave me so much of myself. Parts that I thought had been lost forever, were found in such simple ways in this place I will always view as home.

If Only.

If only I could hold onto this. I'm trying so hard to memorize this moment. I'm breathing deeply through my nose for the smell. I'm listening silently so I can hear all the sounds this city makes. I'm looking around, barely blinking, trying to memorize everything I see. I even take a picture with my phone, though I know it will not be the same when I look at it later. If only I could hold onto this.

How I've Missed You So.

Oh Vancouver, How I've missed you so! I've missed your beauty, your inspiration, and your love. Your warm and kind citizens know how to embrace one so, and for that I will always have a special place for you. You never fail to inspire me in a new and exciting way each day. While here, not once have I felt a lacking in ideas. If only I could hold onto this feeling forever. This feeling that has come over me, which is full of happiness.