Living For Two.

Everyday seems to just hurt like hell. Each day of November my heart breaks just a little bit more, which is hard to do since it's already broken. Each day is like another stab from the knife. It doesn't matter how long, it still feels like I just lost you. It still feels like your supposed to be calling me at any minute. I just want to hear your voice. You knew how to make me bold and how to make me strong and how to make me safe. But now I'm just searching for those feelings. I can feel them, but they leave me almost as fast as I find them. I do things I know I shouldn't do, I say things I know I don't mean. The people around me don't know what I'm doing and I feel like I'm a stranger to most. Those that know me, I'm almost afraid to be around them. They'll see the signs, they'll worry, they'll know I'm acting out and I don't want it to get out of hand. But being reckless, being crazy and wild and just living, it's only way I can distract myself. If I'm not doing exactly what I want, then it's almost like I'm living a half life. And without you, for you, I need to live for both of us, so a half life just wont do. But that's the expectation of everyone around me. Great expectations of a broken soul.......perhaps those expectations of those around are just too high.