Nobody Sees Them Standing.

I love this scene from Meet Me In St. Louis. <3

Never Neverland.

I remember when I was still in high school trying to figure out what classes to take at community college. I had this feeling of an eternity of school staring at me in the face. I wasn't even 18 at that time. But somehow four years have now gone by. It's amazing how much can happen in one persons life. There are so many people who were so important back then that I now miss, but can never talk to again. I'm such a different person from who I used to be and that boggles my mind. I have no idea how I got here. So much has happened and so much has affected me. Sometimes I miss who I was, but I also like who I am now. I was very oblivious before and it had a lot of negative effects on my life, but it also created a less complicated life. Now my eyes are open and I see the world for what it is and people for who they are, but man is life insane, complicated, dark, and intense. If only I could have stayed young. I should have just flown away to Never Neverland.

It seems so easy.....

All My Life.

Tonight I had pandora on and our song started to play. <3 Miss you always.

Romantic.

This song always sweeps me off my feet.

Your Touch.

I miss your touch, the connection, the love. When we were together you made me feel sexy, beautiful, and strong. I miss the way your touch told me everything I needed to know about you. You were loving, caring, strong, and protective. You knew how to make me feel comfortable and at ease, which is task no one else has mastered. Somehow you knew how to stop my mind and how to make me forget and focus on what was happening then at that moment. It was a gift. I have never felt as safe as I did in those moments. If only you could be forgiving. For someone to love me and to be able to stay around they must be forgiving. Sadly you could not forgive my many faults and that is something I cannot forgive. But on nights like this, I still miss you, your touch, your love, and us.

1 + 1

I love this song. I couldn't find the music video, so I'm just posting the audio. This song is so beautiful.

It's Time.

So today I booked my ticket to fly into Calgary. I am going to say goodbye to him. I will visit him and tell him how much he was loved and say goodbye. Wow. I just realized i'll be saying goodbye. It's so final, goodbye. But then again, so is death, they go hand in hand. I've only ever said a final goodbye once before, and that was to my grandfather. But I was a lot younger and I didn't really understand the concept of death and what it meant. At least not like I do now. Right now I miss him and I want to call him, sometimes I call his cell number, but it has been disconnected for a while now. I have yet to erase him from my phone. But even with no contact, in the back of my mind he could just be busy or have a new number. I still think maybe he'll call today and this whole thing will just be this huge mistake. But that doesn't happen in real life and I need to accept this. So I will go and I will try and accept what has happened. I only hope it wont destroy me in the process.

Another Day, Another Struggle.

Today was hard. I wanted to tell you about this project I'm working on and I wanted you to know about my life. All I want to do is share it with you. But your not around anymore. Your not even a phone call away, which I still don't accept. I look at the stars and I want so badly for you to be somehow seeing me. I just need you to know I miss you. It's become so selfish, these feelings of loss, regret, sadness, guilt, and so much more. But as hard as I try, I'll always be selfish. So for this reason alone, I selfishly continue to miss you.

My Self Portrait.

I Love You.

I love you and will continue to love you in a way no one else ever will. You were and are my everything. I breath because you give me the strength to take a breath. I find the courage to take a breath when I don't want to because you taught me how to keep breathing through the pain.

Skyscraper.

So don't judge me for this, but I totally love this song. It's beyond empowering and beautiful. It shows a strength so many people need. I relate to it much too well. People will do anything to tear you down, but you need to find a way to keep going past them. Thats what this song is about.

Don't Hold Your Breath.

This is for all the women out there that can relate to this song. Stay strong, don't go back. You deserve better, we all do.

Peanut Butter And Jelly.

It started off simple, two friends who got along as well as peanut butter and jelly. Soon friends transformed into something much deeper, soul mates. The evolution of their love was epic. They went through the kind of hardships that most would break over, but instead they fought through them and stood strong together. They felt the pain of death, but it made them realize the beauty of each other. When one failed, the other helped them to succeed and vice versa. They dealt with betrayal from the outside world, but together they moved past it. They also felt an overwhelming amount of passion for each other. They longed to hold each other. They longed to inspire each other. They longed to create happiness for each other.

Salvation, Where Art Thou?

I'm drowning. In your memory, in my sorrow, confusion, stillness, regret, and unanswered questions that haunt me. It's all becoming too much. It hurts. It isn't going away, only amplifying. Will visiting you be enough? Will I be able to get past this? Maybe it's not something I can do on my own. Maybe I need more. I'm not sure anymore. I only know that tonight was hard. All I do is think. I get imprisoned in my brain sometimes, and when that happens it goes dark. I need salvation, I need it before I ruin these things that are so good. My life is good. I'm in a good place, nothing can change this. I'll do whatever I need to, in order to protect where I am in my life right now.