Various Hues.

Misery is manifold...as the rainbow; its hues are as various as the hues of that arch.

- Edgar Allan Poe

Silence Breaks The Heart.

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”

- Unknown

Stronger.

Need a positive boost to get you through it all? Here ya go:

How About A Nap?

My thoughts are all over the place. I feel alone and detached, yet I feel like I could use some alone time. It's odd. I haven't let myself have alone time in a while so it feels unnatural. I feel the urge to constantly be in contact with people, but the moment I reach out I feel like i'm being annoying. I cant help it though, I keep reaching out to the same people daily, constantly irritating them with questions of non importance. I'm afraid to be with my thoughts alone and unobserved. Lately my mind has been going into a dark place. It has been reliving things it shouldn't. My mind has been almost preparing for something bad to happen. Reminding me of past events and to raise my guard before something else happens. I feel like I should be on the alert and prepared for danger, but from what? I took care of the one guy who might have caused problems. I spoke with him and he has left me alone since then, so what else could it be? I'm not sure, but I feel exhausted and I haven't been doing very much. All I want to do is be at home with a book and my puppy, drinking tea and listening to the rain. Perhaps have a few drinks in between it all. I cant smoke anymore and that's got me a little on edge. I used to smoke when I got like this and it would calm me down, but now it's different. I freak out and it makes my anxieties worse. I cant even smoke to help me sleep anymore. The only numbing outlet I have left is drinking and man does that scare me. I've been missing a lot of people I cant reach out to and I've been missing a lot of people that should be here but aren't. I'm being a little needy right now, but I just wish someone was here to say it's all okay. I wish I just had someone to make me see it'll all be alright. But I don't and I don't know that it will be. I'm tired of worrying and I'm tired of caring about things other people don't. I just want the world to stop for a little bit. I just want a nice long nap. How about it world? Can we take a few days off for a nice long problem ignoring nap? Of course not.

Wild Horses.

Wild Horses is an amazing song by the Rolling Stones. I am in love with this cover done by Aly Michalka.

Bob Dylan Love.

So recently I've started to dig Bob Dylan. It's funny because there are all these amazing artists out there. There's a special list of artists that "everyone" likes. Ex: Beatles, Elvis, Pink Floyd, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan.... But I've found that each artist finds a special place in your heart and in your life and once that happens, you have this whole new respect and love from them and their music. Elvis found his way into my heart in middle school (odd I know). Tom Petty found his way into my heart during my senior year of high school. Pink Floyd hit me hard during my second year of community college. And now Dylan is providing a wonderful sound track after a year and a half at Brooks. There was recently an album made for Amnesty International which is all Dylan covers and some of them are really quite beautiful. The two that surprised me were the ones by Miley Cyrus and Keisha. Both are totally different from what you would expect and I must say are quite beautiful. Check them out:

Irony.

Things have been going really well for me and people have been starting to notice. People have been more open to working with me and people have been more interested in my opinions. This has been feeling really good because I've been trying to make people realize I'm serious and I'm finally starting to make an impression. So why is it that right when things are going really well I get this feeling. Yes I had to deal with a guy that I haven't had such great relations with in the past, but can a simple conversation that didnt even go too bad cause all this? A feeling of sadness, loneliness, and mostly fear has taken over my mind and body. I'm tense and nervous. My mind keeps going over what could have happened and what might still happen. Why must my previous experiences still haunt me so? Will it never cease to bring me pain? My friend told me the other day that he liked me because of all his girl friends, I was the least crazy. But the truth is that I'm probably more crazy than all of his other girl friends combined. Ill never be just a normal girl. I'll always end up being the girl in the corner drinking, trying to feel safe.

You.

What A Feeling.

Totally digging this song right now.

Trouble Sleeping.

I've been having a big problem with being able to sleep. My mind just keeps going over everything I need to do. My mind won't stop racing. I'm afraid if I stop it'll all just fall apart. But for the past couple of nights I've been using this sleeping sound app that plays rain storms and it's been helping me to fall asleep. The sound of a rain storm seems to calm me right down. It's weird but it feels comforting.

There's A Void.

I feel as if there's something missing. My heart aches and my stomach is tightened. I feel as if I should cry, but I don't know why. In the past when I've felt like this, I've always known the cause. Perhaps it's just a general emptiness.

You Will Forever Be A Part Of Me.

"There’s this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

-Gretchen Kemp

The Time Travelers Wife.

This movie is filled with so much love.

Almost Doesn't Count.