I Need You.

The pain inside of me cuts like a knife. Today I feel utterly alone. I put myself in this position. I made it be this way. I cut people off. I pushed everyone away. Right now I really need you, but you're not here. Why? Because I just screwed it all up. I just did the one thing that would make you disappear. I did it without even realizing I did it. I didn't mean to screw it all up, but I never do. I just create these problems. I create these messes that I know are complicated. You have a girlfriend. I shouldn't have done that. I knew what I was doing the moment you opened the door. I saw how you looked at me and I knew. I knew and I still let it happen. I knew you would regret it, but I also knew I wanted it. I know I still want it. But I cant tell you that because right now you might just back off. But if I were to tell you what I really want, you'd leave. You'd leave and you wouldn't look back. That is something that I couldn't bear. I need you in my life. I need you to be here. I'm not sure when I grew this attachment. I'm not sure when you became apart of my heart and soul, but you have. Without you, it hurts. There is this emptiness and this void and I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know how to stop wanting you. I've tried everything. But at the end of the day, I still need you.