Last Night.

Last night you touched me, you held me, you made me feel safe. Last night you protected me from myself. Last night you were what I needed you to be. I miss last night. I miss the kiss on the forehead that made this overwhelming sense of calm and safety pour over me. I miss how comfortable I was. I miss how you kissed me, the tenderness and the love. I want last night to be every night. I want you. I want us. I don't want this reality. I don't want last night to be something that only happens once a year. I want you to hold me every night. But I know that's not what you want. I know I'm not what you need. I wish I could be. But I'm selfish and I'm a mess. I wish I could say that I'll change, but I wont. I'll always be a mess, a disappointment. I cant be dependable and you need dependable. But just so you know, right here, right now, I loved every moment of last night and I wouldn't take it back. I know it was wrong. I know I should feel guilty and ashamed, but I don't. I'm so thankful I got last night. Some people never get anything at all, but I had last night. I got to see you look at me the way you so rarely let yourself look at me. I got to see the side of you that shows love, strength, and tenderness. I had you.