Your Touch.

I miss your touch, the connection, the love. When we were together you made me feel sexy, beautiful, and strong. I miss the way your touch told me everything I needed to know about you. You were loving, caring, strong, and protective. You knew how to make me feel comfortable and at ease, which is task no one else has mastered. Somehow you knew how to stop my mind and how to make me forget and focus on what was happening then at that moment. It was a gift. I have never felt as safe as I did in those moments. If only you could be forgiving. For someone to love me and to be able to stay around they must be forgiving. Sadly you could not forgive my many faults and that is something I cannot forgive. But on nights like this, I still miss you, your touch, your love, and us.

1 + 1

I love this song. I couldn't find the music video, so I'm just posting the audio. This song is so beautiful.

It's Time.

So today I booked my ticket to fly into Calgary. I am going to say goodbye to him. I will visit him and tell him how much he was loved and say goodbye. Wow. I just realized i'll be saying goodbye. It's so final, goodbye. But then again, so is death, they go hand in hand. I've only ever said a final goodbye once before, and that was to my grandfather. But I was a lot younger and I didn't really understand the concept of death and what it meant. At least not like I do now. Right now I miss him and I want to call him, sometimes I call his cell number, but it has been disconnected for a while now. I have yet to erase him from my phone. But even with no contact, in the back of my mind he could just be busy or have a new number. I still think maybe he'll call today and this whole thing will just be this huge mistake. But that doesn't happen in real life and I need to accept this. So I will go and I will try and accept what has happened. I only hope it wont destroy me in the process.

Another Day, Another Struggle.

Today was hard. I wanted to tell you about this project I'm working on and I wanted you to know about my life. All I want to do is share it with you. But your not around anymore. Your not even a phone call away, which I still don't accept. I look at the stars and I want so badly for you to be somehow seeing me. I just need you to know I miss you. It's become so selfish, these feelings of loss, regret, sadness, guilt, and so much more. But as hard as I try, I'll always be selfish. So for this reason alone, I selfishly continue to miss you.

My Self Portrait.

I Love You.

I love you and will continue to love you in a way no one else ever will. You were and are my everything. I breath because you give me the strength to take a breath. I find the courage to take a breath when I don't want to because you taught me how to keep breathing through the pain.