Moments Together.

It's strange, sometimes all I want is to be alone, yet other times all I want is to not be alone. I can be so needy sometimes, yet sometimes I'm the furthest thing from needy. Life has so much to offer, there is so much to see and do. But if you have no one to share it with, it can only mean so much to you. It's great to be able to say you've done this or seen that, but when you're there, at that moment, nothing is better than having someone else experience it and feel the joy that you're feeling at that moment. So yes, I want to move around a lot after I graduate and I want to experience as much as I can, but what will it mean to me without someone to share it with? Will it still be as great?

Tired Of Trying.

You've left. You aren't here. You're gone. I'm alone. I miss my best friend. I need you right now. I'm at a crossroads in my life, big decisions need to be made. Everyone always leaves, but you're supposed to be the exception. I keep trying to reach out, but you keep pushing me away. I'm worried about you. I'm scared to stop trying, but I'm tired of trying.

A Thousand Years.

<3

You Have Bewitched Me.

"You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." - Mr. Darcy. <3

We Are All Selfish.

“We are all selfish and I no more trust myself than others with a good motive.”
- Lord Byron

I'm Alone On A Bicycle For Two.

Today, this song totally explains how I feel.

Jesse McCartney Overload.

Totally feeling him today. Here's a few good ones:

Emotions = Overrated.

Emotions = Overrated. Stupid. Illogical. Yet they wont go away. All I want is to not feel. It hurts. It hurts that he's gone. It hurts that you wont talk to me the way I need you to. It hurts because there is no love. I just want love, but it's so impossible for me. Why don't I deserve it? Why will I always be without it? How do I keep going on and on and on? The only reason to live is to love and to be loved. But no one will ever love me that way. Guys love the idea of me. What I could be, what I can be, what they can make me. Guys love the person they think I am. But all the problems, all the complications, emotions, those are an issue they don't love. The best I can hope for is to be loved in spite of them. All I want is to be loved. To be loved for the good and bad, but no one will ever be able to do that. And to me....that is a tragedy. I am tragic. And being tragic hurts. Right now, it all just hurts. My body feels my pain. My heart is breaking knowing the truth. A broken heart, once broken, is broken forever. Mine broke a long time ago and no one will be bale to fix it. The day he died was the day the hope for being loved was lost. My love is lost.

Another Side.

Days like today are hard. I want so badly to talk to you about things I know you don't want to talk about. I think if I had tried to have a conversation like this with you a few weeks ago, you might have been open to it. But now you're closed off, you've closed off a part of you to me. I don't really understand why. I don't know if I brought out a part of you, a part you aren't proud of, or if you're worried about what i'm thinking or if you just regret it or whats going on. The only thing I know is you're reacting badly....and its not what I thought would happen. I just need you right now. I want to talk to you. I feel like I just discovered this whole other side of you and all I wanna do is get to know it more. I want to understand it, but I cant because you wont let me. I wonder what would happen if I told you how I discovered this side. Would you be mad I read those blogs? I never would have understood them the way I understand them now. I wonder if you would be open and honest with me. Have I been open and honest with you? Perhaps....to a degree I have. I have told you about the main things, you were there for the main events. But lately, do you really know me at all? You've never been to my place. You don't know how I live. You don't now about the fact that I still sit in corners and cry when i'm overwhelmed. You don't know that I still freak out when people grab my shoulders. You don't know about the bad dreams I have. You don't know about the daily struggles I go through each day, just to survive. I don't tell you so much, yet I tell you more than most. So what does that mean? Am I being fair to you? Or am I being unfair? Do you deserve to know more? Should I have told you about Ben? The whole story. Should I tell you about how when you told me about being in love and how you felt when you held her, I was jealous because my person like that is dead and no one will ever be able to love me like that. Should I tell you about how it kills me to know the love I want so badly will never happen for me? Should I tell you about the fact that I love how deeply you feel about everything. I'm confused about you. I love you. Every time I find out something important about you, good or bad, it makes me love you more. You deserve happiness, love, joy and success. This love that I feel for you is pure. Not romantic, not contaminated, not selfish, just love. That aside, sometimes I think I may be in danger of falling in love with you and other days I cant wait until I feel about someone the way you feel about her. Sometimes I think you and I are the best thing. Sometimes I think you and I are the worst thing. But I cant ever imagine you not in my life. You are so essential and I don't know why. I don't know how this attachment grew. You're just such an amazing person, and so important to my being okay. Without you, it feels like it will all just fall apart. But with you, it feels like I will make it. That part is selfish. There is a part of me that is selfish with you. But I just want to know you openly. I just want to know what you're thinking and how you feel now. After reading those blogs, I now see there was this side to you that you've only ever shared once. I need to know more. I want you to tell me more. Do you still have these feelings? Is that why when I text you because i'm in pain....you don't run away? Do you feel this way? Are you in pain? Has this pain since left? How did you overcome it? Have I ever helped you when you felt this pain? Are you okay now? I'm worried. I'm worried about this part of you I didn't understand. I mean I know I knew about it, but I don't think I understood its depths. I never understood the depths of your pain. I am so sorry if I wasn't there for you. I wish I could just know when you need me, but I don't. You have to tell me, but I know you wont.

Want U Back.

This is one of her singles after being on the X-Factor. Love it!

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

I love this girl. She's awesome and this combo she sang is amazing. Love it!