Moving Means Being Left Out.

Since I move so much, I try and keep in contact with as many people as possible. But by doing this I tend to get this feeling of being left out. For example a group of people are all going camping. If I still lived in California I would be going along on this adventure. But because I don't, i'm not. It's weird because I moved. I should be having all these new experiences, which I am. So why is it me whose feeling left out? This is not the first time it's happened either. It happens a lot and the only reason I can come up with is that I want more than I can chew. I am socially greedy, but i'm okay with this.

The Worst Solitude.

The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship.
Francis Bacon (1561-1626)

He was right about this. I guess that means i've decided.

Oh Rhett Butler, Why Can't You Still Give A Damn?

So Gone With The Wind was rereleased today in HD, which is awesome. But what's even better is the fact that a local movie theatre here decided to show GWTW in celebration of this. It was so awesome to see it in an actual movie theatre. I've seen GWTW so many times and I still can't accept the ending. Scarlet finally realizes that she's in love with Rhett, but he no longer gives a damn. What is that about??? Four hours and they still can't work it out. Why must you taunt me so Margaret Mitchell?

Each Day.

Each day two thoughts pass through my mind. The first being I should end contact with everyone and live in total seclusion. Just live as those mystery people do. You know the ones who never talk about themselves at work and besides seeing them at work, you have no idea what they do with their time. The second thought is how long could I last before I would start to wonder if anyone cared that I deleted myself from their life.

Over Thinking.

I always over think things. But this past week it's really been taking a toll on me. I'm trying to sort out my feelings and figure out how I should feel. Along with this it seems I'm also considering what other people are feeling. This past year I was so caught up in what I was going through I didn't think about what I was doing to people around me. Now I'm trying to make sure I don't cause anymore pain to the people I love. But in the process of doing so I think I may have taken a few steps back. I'm over thinking everything and second guessing all that I do. I catch myself having fun and wonder if it's the right kind of fun. I've never had to be so careful before. It's making me want to be reckless, which is what I'm trying to avoid. Why does being healthy have to be so complicated?

Undecided.

I can't seem to decide which is better. If your alone you can't get hurt. If you minimize your contact with others your free of all disappointments and pain that come with any kind of relationship. But if your alone, you also don't get to experience happiness with others. If there's one thing i've realized, even the best thing isn't half as good as it is with someone else who will appreciate it just as much. You experience twice as much joy and twice as much pain with coming into contact with others. So i guess it's down to deciding wether you want amplified extreme feelings or minimal barely there feelings.

Pay Day.

So today I made a dent on my credit card bill, finally. Almost debt free for me! Then I can finally save up for the beautiful 50D. I'm working hard, but it's paying off. I'm very proud of how fast I'm working to get my credit bill down. Two more pay checks and i'll be home free.

PJ Day.

So today I had a day off, which was fantastic. I did absolutely nothing and had the best day. I've been so busy and working so much. It was such a great change to stay in my pj's all day and just relax. I caught up on all the T.V. i've been missing so now I don't feel so out of the loop. All in all it was a great day. But now that i've had today, I have to focus on working hard and doing well at all 3 jobs.