Love In Your Eyes.

I was reading about people that go through severe struggles and about how they tend to hold on to or grasp on to someone or certain actions. They do it for illogical reasons sometimes, but the idea is that they get comfort out of this person or action. Sometimes it's the person that hurt them, if there was a long enough connection, certain things that person did might be comforting to do for the person who was harmed. Sometimes it's what a person doesn't do that makes them feel safe. I think the reason why I connected to you was because you used to be really angry and you'd yell at me a lot, sometimes for no reason. But you never hit me. And once you got mad a few times, I knew you'd never hurt me. It was just the way you went about everything, your body language, your tone, your eyes. Your eyes always have love in them. That may be hard for you to understand, but they do. I know theres love. I know you have a loving soul. You're filled with passion and I know you care. You don't always show it, but I know. I hope you know, I care too.

Happy.

I love you. I hate you. I miss you. I want you. I want you to be happy. I hope you're happy.......

Come Back.

I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss feeling safe and I miss knowing someone understands me. Right now I feel lost. Right now I feel sad. Right now I feel empty. I wish I just needed companionship. That would be so much easier. But that's not enough. I need you. You're the only one that fills this void. Other guys don't know how to make the void go away. I know everything got really complicated and I know that it's all just gotten out of hand. I sort of understand why you backed off. But I need you back in my life. If I had thought for even a second that your presence would be in jeopardy, I would have never let things get this way. I need you in my life and I need to know you'll be here. I just need you back. Please. Come back.

The Big Bang.

I'm obsessed with this song right now. Kevin Zegers is in this video.....so hot.

You Can't Always Get What You Want.

The Moment Of Impact.

The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing where you never thought you'd find them. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, control how it's gonna affect you. You just gotta let the colliding part go where they may. And wait. For the next collision. - From the movie The Vow. <3

Fly Or Die.

I couldn't find an actual music video so I'm posting this one....such a good song.

You're gone.

I miss you. I miss being able to talk to you. I really need to talk to you right now. Everything is just so complicated and out of hand. I'm fighting back urges, I'm stressing out. Mostly I'm trying so hard to just not fuck up right now. I need you. I wish you were here. I wish more than anything that you could be here to believe in me. But you're gone and without you, I'm just not sure how long I can keep this up. Some days, like today, it's just so hard.

Everybody.

I couldn't find a music video, but have a listen. <3

Canada Calls.

So my friend is on tour right now and he has his first international show in Toronto, Ontario, Canada and so of course he calls me when he gets there! It made me so happy!!!! I'm so excited for him and I love that he thought to call me. He's one of those friends that I may not get to see very often, but when I do it's like were as close as ever. He totally just made my day with that phone call. Yay for Canada calls!

Fred Astaire And Cyd Charisse.

These two are crazy good!!!

Los Angeles Here I Come.

Well it's official, I'm moving to Los Angeles today!!! Ahhhh I'm so excited! This is going to be a great new chapter for me. It means a lot more commuting/driving and it means a little more work for school, but man am I going to be a happier person. No more days off spent sitting in the dark doing nothing because I'm stuck in Santa Barbara. I can now see all of my Orange County people. Only good things will come from this. I'm sure of it. Did I mention I'm moving into an apartment complex that Charlie Chaplin built?! Sooooo cool!!!!!

Confusion Is My Middle Name These Days.

Everything is getting more and more confusing. My best friend is barely talking to me, it's as if I'm walking on egg shells and one wrong word will silence him forever. My other friend who I'm also super close to is confused about wether or not he's gay.....and on top of that a super close family member of his just died. So he called me to talk about the gay thing and I thought I was super supportive, then he barely talked to me after that and now I'm not sure if he needs me or if I'm the last person he wants to see right now. All I know is that someone dying is one of the most painful things someone can go through and if he needs me I'm there, but how am I supposed to know what he wants? I sent him a message, but he might not even answer it. Then there's my friend who just got married. I'm proud of him and all he's accomplished and this should be a great turning point for him, but he's already invited himself over to my new place which means he's probably looking to smoke which means he's probably not taking advantage of this turning point thing which isn't good. And with all of this going on I just feel like I've really screwed up somewhere. It seems like all of my friendships are complicated. Is it because when you've been friends with someone for a long time, things are bound to get complicated? Or did I really just screw up almost every important friendship I have?

Switch Flip.

Baby, it'll be okay I promise. I'll take care of you and love you and it will all be okay. Right now, that's all I want you to say. I want your arms to hold me and for you to just...be with me. Can't we just be for a while? I need to be still for a bit. Everything just started spinning so out of control and now I'm holding on to threads that are breaking one by one. If I keep moving I might fall apart. I just need you so I can be still for a bit. I always feel so still around you. The world stops, you make it easier when you're around. You help me when I'm weak, you fight for me when I cant, and you love me when I cant love myself. I feel like I imagine this sometimes. Like I'm going crazy and there's no way you could have possibly made me feel like this. You can be so mean, so controlling, so cold, so unaware of you're impact on me. You have two sides to you. One that wouldn't think twice about hurting me and the other that seems like you would do anything for me. I don't know which one to take seriously and which one to ignore. I know that it hurts when you flip the switch and I'm left without you. You act as if I'm this bug that wont go away and that I'm a huge inconvenience in your life. Yet sometimes it's as if I'm one of the most important things in your life. Well I have no idea if I'll ever get used to it, but I will continue to care about you and be there for you until you tell me otherwise, because I promised you a long time I would. I told you I would never disappear no matter what you did or said and I will do what I can to keep that promise. It's the least I can do for you. I just wish that for once you would apologize or show that you care and that you don't mean it or something. I've seen you apologize to other people, so why don't I get the same privilege? What am I doing differently?