Define Home.

When you’ve moved as much as I have, you define home differently than most. Some call home where ever their parents live, while others call their birthplace home. I define my home as Calgary. Why? Because I lived in Calgary for 7 years. It’s the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere, which means I have the most memories there. It’s also where I became very aware about the rest of the world. I had my first boyfriend in Calgary which also brought my first kiss, first dance, and first break up. It’s where I started high school and where I made life long friends. It’s also where my family endured it’s best and worst times. I faced my worst experience in Calgary, which will make it a big part of my life forever. So because it’s been such a crucial part of my life, I can’t go more than a year without going back. I’m not too sure how long exactly it’s been since I’ve been back, but I know it’s been too long. I’ve began to travel to other places and experience new things. I always get caught up in going somewhere new. Once I’ve been somewhere, I’m always on to the next thing. But every once in a while it’s nice to go back. It’s nice to see friendly faces that love you for you.

The friends I have in Calgary are life long friends for the simple reason that they’ve seen me through it all. They were there to watch me awkwardly grow and have seen most of my embarrassing moments or at least have heard about them, and I them. We are tied together by the memories of our childhood past. Back when things were simple and we only worried about where we were going to camp out that weekend. But were also tied by the fact that we went through the growing process together. We were there for each as life began to get more confusing and more frustrating. We became dependent on each other for support as life got harder and it will be a life long dependence I’m sure. I’ve always been scared of being dependent on others. People can leave you, people can hurt you, and people can sure as hell screw you over. But for some reason I’m okay with being dependent on the people I cherish so much in Calgary. I think it’s because before I began to question trust, I trusted these people and to this day, these select people have never let me down. They are the rocks I lean on.

I like the idea of moving around a lot. I like the idea of keeping people on their toes and never staying in the same place too long. I want to see the world and I refuse to be held down. Anyone can travel and move around if they want to, but in the end it’s easier for most not to. Most don’t have the desire to move and live in another city. They are happy where they are and that’s okay, but for me, living in the same place will never satisfy me. At least not for a very long time. I want to meet as many people as I can and I want to see as much as I can. I’ve met people with the same perspective as me, with one major difference. They want to meet many people but they don’t stay in contact with them. What’s the point in that? I sure don’t understand it. I personally love each person I’ve become friends with and I try and stay in contact with as many people as I can. I want people to be apart of my journey, but I want them to stay apart of it. I know some people are just meant to make an appearance, but I always hope that everyone will be a main character. When someone only makes an appearance, it means you have to say goodbye. I’ve always been bad at saying goodbye. It’s hard to admit that you wont see someone again. What makes it worse is that when I visit Calgary, people always think it’s the last time they’ll see me. So we have an amazing time and then they pull out the super long hug that feels like your loosing apart of yourself when you finally let go. They don’t know what I’ll do and when I’ll be back. And it’s true that I also don’t know. It could be another year before I’m back in Calgary again after this trip. But I know I’ll always go back. Going back home is always humbling and sometimes you need to be humbled. Sometimes you have to return to where it all began. If your feeling lost, it’s a great thing to do.

Right now, in my life, I’m at a crossroads. I can move to San Francisco or Santa Barbara. Either one of these places would be a great experience for me. If I go to San Fran then I will have another chance to branch out like I did in Vancouver. I know I’ll meet some amazing people and it would be the college experience I’ve always wanted. But if I move to Santa Barbara then I’ll be closer to my sister and I’ll be able to fully immerse myself in my photography, which is something i’d really like to do. In the end it always comes down to money I suppose. I’m not too sure where I’ll decide to go. But I still have some time to figure it out.