How About A Nap?

My thoughts are all over the place. I feel alone and detached, yet I feel like I could use some alone time. It's odd. I haven't let myself have alone time in a while so it feels unnatural. I feel the urge to constantly be in contact with people, but the moment I reach out I feel like i'm being annoying. I cant help it though, I keep reaching out to the same people daily, constantly irritating them with questions of non importance. I'm afraid to be with my thoughts alone and unobserved. Lately my mind has been going into a dark place. It has been reliving things it shouldn't. My mind has been almost preparing for something bad to happen. Reminding me of past events and to raise my guard before something else happens. I feel like I should be on the alert and prepared for danger, but from what? I took care of the one guy who might have caused problems. I spoke with him and he has left me alone since then, so what else could it be? I'm not sure, but I feel exhausted and I haven't been doing very much. All I want to do is be at home with a book and my puppy, drinking tea and listening to the rain. Perhaps have a few drinks in between it all. I cant smoke anymore and that's got me a little on edge. I used to smoke when I got like this and it would calm me down, but now it's different. I freak out and it makes my anxieties worse. I cant even smoke to help me sleep anymore. The only numbing outlet I have left is drinking and man does that scare me. I've been missing a lot of people I cant reach out to and I've been missing a lot of people that should be here but aren't. I'm being a little needy right now, but I just wish someone was here to say it's all okay. I wish I just had someone to make me see it'll all be alright. But I don't and I don't know that it will be. I'm tired of worrying and I'm tired of caring about things other people don't. I just want the world to stop for a little bit. I just want a nice long nap. How about it world? Can we take a few days off for a nice long problem ignoring nap? Of course not.