Sometimes.

Sometimes I feel scared for no reason at all. Sometimes my mind races and I imagine everything that could go wrong. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to not have dark thoughts. Sometimes I wonder if everything could be easier. I even sometimes wish I had a reason for being so scared, but all my reasons have long since passed and they should not be reasons any longer. So yes, sometimes I cry when I feel defeated by the world and everything scary in it. Sometimes I cry because I'm terrified about what might possibly happen next. Sometimes I want to call you just to say I'm scared, but what would you, could you say? Sometimes I want you to hold me and to say everything will be okay, even though it might not. Sometimes I want to tell you I'm not okay, but would that be unfair? Sometimes I am happy. Sometimes I feel free and adventurous. Sometimes I feel like I can accomplish anything. Sometimes I feel like I've transformed into someone way cooler than I ever thought I could be. Sometimes I feel smart and sexy. Sometimes I like being alone more than being with someone, but other times I'm terrified of being by myself. Sometimes is my life. There is no all the time. That's how I've been feeling lately. It's been up and down. All I really want is to be able to accept that this will be my life, but I sometimes wonder if I make it my life and if there's a secret. Maybe I have it all wrong and all I need to do is uncover the secret. But sometimes I feel hopeless, because I know there is no secret.